The Crossover of Ultimate DOOM
by Scrabble Ship
Summary: JTHM & IZ. Rated M because Lou has a dirty mouth and a violent disposition.


_Balet: "Where there's a homicidal maniac, there's a way for Dib to take advantage." _

_Balet: Jhonnen Vasquez owns Invader Zim and Johnny The Homicidal Maniac. We just write stuff. This was a roleplay between Louise and I. It started out as an IZ/JTHM crossover. It's a comedy and is rated M because Louise has a dirty mouth, and I likes to chop peoplez in half. Nah, but seriously ... it's voilent. There's no romance. That doesn't mean there's no possibility of Nny being 'molested by a blue chihuahua.' _

_Lou: Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING:k... Besides Julie but I don't want her so I'll disown her now. D:  
Ok, well excuse anything Balet does in this roleplay. She's currently sexually confused. Poor Balet.  
Also, excuse me for being hideously out of character with just about every one of my characters. . Hehee, I suck, I knowz. _

_Balet -Nods- Louise has a point. She does su - WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY? THAT I'M SEXUALLY CONFUSED? WTH? Don't make me tell them about that Schizophrenia thing.  
Awz. You play your characters well. Just so everyone knows, I play Dib and Gaz in this first chapter. _

_Lou: YOU TELL ABOUT THE SCHIZOPHRENIA THING, I BLAB ABOUT DIB, NNY AND ADHD ¬¬ Anyway, I play anyone Balet didn't say she played... You figure it out._

After another day of school in late Autumn, the nealy cloudless sky was a bright shade of mahogany orange. Small trees and houses stood scattered alongside streets with sidewalks seperating them. It was a fairly pleasant and calming day, but most days were; exept for the constant so called 'threat' of the Irken Empire that was Zim's fake mission. Aside from that, everything seemed fine. The blissfully unawhare citizens certainly thought so.

A pale hand hastily reached out and pulled the metal door of Dib's laboratory shut from the inside. He was standing in the center of his dully lit lab with his sister, Gaz. Dib walked away from the door. He stopped and looked down at a small rectangular table with his back to his sister. He moved several viles out of the way and grabbed something in his fist. Dib held up a tiny piece of metal in his hand a few inches above the table.

Gaz crossed her arms. She looked impatient and slightly bored.

"This is it, Gaz. I've created a miniature drill that will dig in under Zim's skin and release millions of microscopic organisms into his body. They'll cause extreme agony, but it shouldn't kill him. It won't be long before he's too overwhelmed with the pain and I can - "

Gaz interrupted abruptly and opened one eye to glare at her brother with the other tightly shut. "I only followed you here to get my GameSlave2 back, not to hear your dumb plan to annoy Zim."

Dib frowned, "but this won't just annoy him Gaz! It'll get inside of him and eat him from the inside out, but I can cure it, so once he's weak and defenceless I can test these on him." Dib snatched what looked like black hand cuffs off of the table behind him with his other hand. He held them up to show Gaz.

Gaz's eye twitched and she balled her fists. "Just give me the game, Dib."

Dib only gave her a blank stare before turning around and setting both things down on the table's spotless surface.

Dib reached above the table for a handheld device on a shelf that he had fixed the day before in his free time. He took it down from the shelf and turned back around to hold it out in his left hand so that Gaz could take it.

Gaz grabbed her beloved Game from Dib eagerly and turned it on to test it the very second that it was in her hands. The screen let off a light glow in the dimly lit room. "You better not have reset it. I was on level eight," she growled as she looked up at Dib, then handed him a small handful of money and walked towards the door.

Dib pocketed the money as Gaz opened the door with one hand and left the room to go home with her nose wedged in her gameSlave.  
The door swung shut behind her with a clank.

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"It's ok Shmee, don't be scared." The young boy said in a comforting tone to the stuffed bear that he was ferociously clinging to in the back seat.

"Honey, don't talk to inanimate objects or we'll take you to the psychiatrist again," his mother sang out from the passenger seat.

"YOU RUINED MY LIFE!" His father shouted from his place of intense concentration behind the wheel.

Shmee looked up at Squee questioningly.

"No Shmee, they don't mean it."

The bear continued to look at Squee, but his stare seemed to have more of a flat ironic manner.

"Shmee! Don't say things like that! What if they heard you?"

Shmee's head rolled back apathetically.

"I know you're scared Shmee, but you shouldn't be swearing like that!"

"I said SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU DERANGED CHILD. YOU'RE EXISTENCE MAKES ME FEEL SICK!" his father cut (rather rudely, may I add) into the deep conversation that was being passed between the bear and the boy.

Squee "squee"'d quietly and cuddled up with the stuffed animal, as if he was trying to make himself disappear into his seat.

The car began to slowly pull into the new driveway, followed by a precession of moving trucks.

"WE SHOULD HAVE SUED THE CONDOM COMPANY" Was the angry shout from the front seat as they skidded to a halt in front of the garage door.

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Behind the Cassils car, Johnny was peeling himself away from the back of the white moving truck. He hopped down to the ground, stretching his long and spindly limbs in an effort to work the cobwebs out of them. Journeys do take a lot out of a Homicidal Maniac, after all. How interesting! To put your entire luggage in your pants and cling to the back of a moving lorry for two hours going god knows where. Johnny could tell already this was going to be fun, at its finest.

Johnny put his hand into his left pocket and fished about, before producing two Pillsbury Dough Boy figurines that were painted and mutilated. One of them, had the word "FUCK" written across it's tummy in big bold and ominous letters.

"What do you think I should do, Psychodoughboy?" Johnny asked, addressing the dough boy with the obscenity on its stomach.

"Hmm? What was that Mr. Eff?" He said, braking off mid conversation with Psychodoughboy.

He nodded slowly with an expression of intense concentration, before his face cracked into a rather frightening grin.

"Splendid idea! I should paint my wall! It's probably getting a little bit dry, now that I think of it. This could all be a wonderful surprise for Squee! Wait till he finds out I'm his newest neighbor… Now, to address the issue of my wall…"

Johnny straightened himself up and slinked around the back of the lorry, and over to the fence. He raised one long leg and simply stepped over the palisade, into the neighbour's garden.

"Who lives here, I wonder …" He mused as he prowled around the strange construction that protruded out of the house. He pressed himself up to the door and rapped it a few times, for no real reason, and without really waiting for a reply, took out his knife from his pants and started too fiddle carefully with the large metal hinges on the door. There was a low squeaking sound as he loosened the door from its frame. The door then gave way and with a loud "Creeeeeek" it collapsed into the laboratory, causing an array of glass to fall to the floor and shatter.

All the while Johnny stood in the door way grinning like a lunatic with a knife in his hands.

Dib had been standing just inches from the door. He had to jump back to avoid being hit.  
His eyes widened in shock.

"Hi, we're NEIGHBORS"

Dib clenched his teeth and moved back further until his back was pressed against the wall and the palms of his hands laid flat against it on either side of his body. He soon got over the initial shock and blinked.  
"Why did you break the door down?"

"You shouldn't lock your door you know; it's very in considerate." Johnny stepped over the door like he had the fence and flounced on in to the laboratory. He picked up a test tube and looked through the glass. If you'd seen him from a diffrent angle, you would have noted that the test tube magnified his eye, making it look comical and dispreportionate to the rest of his face. "It would be far easier if you just left it open so that people wouldn't have to knock it down to walk in." He put down the test tube and started rummaging around the rest of the broken debris of a lab.

Dib's gaze traveled from Johnny's face to the knife in his hand. He was obviously uneasy at that point. He dug his nails intio his palms nervously. "What do you want?"

Johnny turned around to Dib, scratching his head in a slightly bored motion with a frightening grin on his face. "D'ya happen to have any blood to spare? I need to paint my wall."

Inching closer to the table to his left, Dib looked at the surface and knew that nothing on it would help him in self defence. He still never took his eyes off of Johnny. He didn't want to waste his new weapon on a random psycho neighbor wielding a knife, especially since the man's intentions were unclear to him at the time.

Dib forced a smile onto his face. "Did you just say we're neighbors?"

"Why yes, I DID SAY NEIGHBORS!" Said Nny and he nodded seriously.

This person was with out a doubt insane ... or something was up.

Dib looked somewhat confused. "Maybe you're a zombie or ... maybe Zim brain-washed you, or you're a robot ... no. That can't be right," Dib pondered out loud as he looked down at his feet.

Dib looked up.  
"I lock the door to keep people out, and Zim! I can't let Zim just walk right in here! What if he steals something? Do you even know what I'm talking about? You don't, do you?"

What am I thinking? He doesn't know about Zim, and if he does, he's not likely to tell me. This is just another one of Zim's stupid plots ... I think.  
"When will you be leaving? You shouldn't be going around knockig down people's doors."

Johnny frowned. "WELL THAT'S JUST RUDE ISN'T IT?" He yelled at Dib, tossing one of the few unbroken beakers onto the ground in a fit of anger. "I'M JUST YOUR FRIENDLY NEIGHBOURHOOD PSYCHOPATH, LOOKING TO BORROW SOME BLOOD TO PAINT HIS WALL SO A CREATURE OF ULTIMATE DOOM DOESN'T ESCAPE AND EAT THE EARTH. AND HOW AM I REPAID FOR SPONGING THE PAINS AND HORORS OF THE WORLD? I GET INTERROGATED ABOUT SOMEONE CALLED ZIT BY A TWERP IN FUCKING GLASSES!"

Johnny stopped fuming and calmed down again almost immeadiately after that outburst. "Who is this Zit anyway, you're boy friend or something?" he grunted angrily, still looking around in the beakers and testubes for some blood. Johnny sniffed the air and grumbeled darkly "This place smells like Bactine and idiots"

-  
_Balet: Thus ends chapter one! We hope you liked it, well I hope anyway. I'm not going to speak for Lou BECAUSE SHE HAS GODMODING ISSUES!  
-Clears Throat- Ok, well if you didn't like it, too bad. I don't want to hear about it. -- As Louise would say: GO FUCK YOUR OWN ASS!  
O.o Sorry, sorry ... I probably shouldn't be saying that to our readers, huh? _

_Lou: Yeah, probably not. xD BUT IT'S SURE AS HELL FUNNY!  
Anyway, GOOD BYE! ENJOY! WE HOPE TO SEE YOU AGAIN SOON._


End file.
